Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Boobs speak an international language.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
