My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
17 year olds will be the death of me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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