I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
