So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
