i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
