I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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