talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
