well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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