Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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