FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
