what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
