Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So vagazzling was a success
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
