Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Houston, we have a squirter
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
