i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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