That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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