I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
