I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
