i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He passed out mid-signature
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door