I think I died a long time ago.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.