I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.