will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just googled if crying burns calories
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
