I just threw up on my dentist
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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