No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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