So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
operation have a gay friend backfired
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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