mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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