i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
