you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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