Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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