It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
