what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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