Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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