somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
