so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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