I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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