Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
