Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize