He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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