Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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