I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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