You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize