I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
