my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
