I think I just saw someone hide a body.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
