he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
