Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
