I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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