And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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