Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
