You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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