is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
