i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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