The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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