OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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