Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
