Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
