i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
