apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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