between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
