Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
