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Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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