literally had 100 drinks last night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
