Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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