i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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