How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
