I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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