im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night