Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If i could tip my vagina, i would.

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  (616): If i could tip my vagina, i would. http://tfl.nu/vria
  Replies (7) Good night (3509) Bad night (597)
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  (661): View more from California

  I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.

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  (661): I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck. http://tfl.nu/we3a
  Replies (21) Good night (4113) Bad night (2212)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....

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  (701): Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of..... http://tfl.nu/svr5
  Replies (6) Good night (830) Bad night (2978)
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  (925): View more from California

  WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.

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  (925): WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES. http://tfl.nu/71kq
  Replies (8) Good night (863) Bad night (1714)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

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  (905): Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass. http://tfl.nu/tco3
  Replies (9) Good night (4525) Bad night (789)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.

  (646): View more from New York

  LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES

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  (407): I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair. (646): LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES http://tfl.nu/6j0d
  Replies (6) Good night (1281) Bad night (579)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.

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  (719): I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in. http://tfl.nu/k5k2
  Replies (11) Good night (2461) Bad night (1034)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.

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  (765): I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning. http://tfl.nu/djj8
  Replies (8) Good night (1585) Bad night (439)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.

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  (920): She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls. http://tfl.nu/7oj4
  Replies (2) Good night (765) Bad night (451)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.

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  (803): the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this. http://tfl.nu/qdyt
  Replies (0) Good night (655) Bad night (427)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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  (201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj
  Replies (6) Good night (2808) Bad night (554)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.

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  (307): He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver. http://tfl.nu/9q9z
  Replies (10) Good night (1221) Bad night (400)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.

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  (217): Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill. http://tfl.nu/rrda
  Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (582)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.

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  (616): The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time. http://tfl.nu/wo2i
  Replies (4) Good night (795) Bad night (418)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.

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  (720): Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant. http://tfl.nu/1gzu
  Replies (9) Good night (607) Bad night (265)

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