she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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