Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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