no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.