p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian