the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.